Getting Started

I’m going to do it. I am almost 40 years old. I am not sure I have ever been true to myself. I have lived someone else’s life. I have lived the life I thought I was supposed to live. Over the past weeks I have felt a fundamental change happening in my mind. My entire life feels heavy-not just my body. I feel a sudden urgent need to get rid of all the things in my life that are weighing me down. Clutter, fat, obligations. My husband must think I’m crazy but I feel as if I don’t make major changes to my life I will drown-drown in clutter, drown in fat. How could I have wasted half my life. I want the next 40 years to be on my terms.

I cry when I think of dieting. I used to cry when I thought of getting rid of my “things’ but now I embrace it. I wonder if I’ll ever feel that way about losing weight.

After my daughter was born I lost over 30 pounds on weight watchers. I remember thinking as I carried my son up the stairs one day how heavy he was, and that was almost exactly the amount of weight I’d lost. Now I need to lose twice that much. What I carry with me each day is so heavy such a burden, yet such a comfort.
I fear losing friends. I eat with my friends. It’s how we celebrate. We commiserate over fat, over eating.

I’ve been reading weight loss blogs. I find many depressing and not at all inspiring, so many are self deprecating. I’m tired of being self deprecating. I’m tired of apologizing for myself. I’ve decided to blog my way through this process. My husband is going to try to lose weight too. So hopefully with his support and my accountability to this blog I’ll be able to keep at it.

First of all I’m setting a goal. It’s a big goal. I want to lose 60 pounds. That would put me at 200 pounds. Now I know 200 pounds still seems like a lot. But being 5’10” I looked pretty good at 200 pounds (oh so many years ago). 200 pounds is nowhere near skinny. But it is a good reasonable goal.
I have decided that I want to be 60 pounds smaller by my 40th birthday and I want to stay fit for life.

So I’ve done it. I completed step one. I set a goal. Next I’ll make a list of why I want to lose weight.